Just Look at Him
by frequentscribbler
Summary: After the success of my last CTM FanFic, where I wrote in First person as Peter, I have decided to write this one again in First person. (It is from Chummy and Peter's points of view.) Just Look at Him, follows the Noakes family, young Freddie suddenly becomes ill, causing the pair to relive past events, stirring up old memories.
1. A Few Long Days

**A long few days.**

My feet are throbbing, the unfortunate consequence of spending all day stood up. Its been a long few days, yesterday I had the blessing of a 5am wake up call from the children, then a whole day of games trying to keep them entertained before handing them over to Peter in order to start a night shift. Now, as the sun rises on a new day, I look towards the clock, an hour until I can pack up and return home, hopefully grabbing a few moments with the three of them before wandering off to bed. For the remainder of my shift I have the pleasure of rearranging all of the cupboards. Patsy's presence within Nonnatus has been welcomed warmly by Sister Evangelina, mainly because of her cleaning habits, all tasks are completed even before the Sister has opened her mouth. Unfortunately it means that any of us could be lumbered with random jobs, such as the one I find before me, at a minutes notice. I had been minding my own business whilst tidying away my kit and in stropped the Sister.

She ran her finger across the counter and inspected it rather closely; 'Spotless'

She almost looked disappointed at the fact.

She huffed and puffed as she paced the room. I continued to mind my own, I tried not to make eye contact, I didn't want to enrage her further. When I had finished packing everything away I tried to exit but Sister Evangelina shouted;

'Nurse Noakes, these cupboards are a shambles. Please reorganise them to a satisfactory state before leaving.' then she exited the room herself, leaving me to my newfound task.

I perched on a stool about to tackle the low cupboards, when footsteps began to radiate through the hallway, most probably Sister Evangelina returning to add jobs to my list. The footsteps grew closer, then suddenly burnt orange curls bounced around the door frame.

'What'ho Chum?' Beamed Patsy as she bounded into the room. 'What are you doing?'

'Sister Evangelina has given me the wonderful task of reorganising the cupboards. My final hour is now going to drag its feet.' I replied, head still in the cupboard.

'But I did them earlier! If you look, they're all arranged in alphabetical order.' She said sternly.

I pulled my head from the cupboard and smiled at her. 'Bally botherations.' I winked.

'Anyway, now for the reason I came to find you, Sister Julienne sent me, Peter's rang, seems the little one is presenting signs of the flu! Sister insists that you return home straightaway.'

I collected my coat and started to run home, the need to hold Freddie grew with every step. My poor boy. After what seemed an age I finally made it home, I fiddled for my keys but Peter shouted; 'It's on the latch!'

I barged through, tossing my coat to the side before running upstairs, Peter's voice again echoed through the house, 'In the kitchen Dear!'

I turned and made my way to the kitchen. I was met by Peter sat at the table, Freddie clinging to him. The young boy looked up towards me, his face was very pale, his eyes were dull and watery. He threw up his arms towards me, tears began to roll down his cheeks. Peter stood and passed him to me, he was like fire to touch, yet his whole body was shaking and his hands all clammy. His pyjamas were drenched in sweat. I held him close, gently rocking him. He placed a thumb into his mouth as a comforter but shortly pulled it out to release an almighty cough. His tongue was white, it had no colour to it, other than the taste buds, they were a blood red and inflamed.

'Patrick said he will pop round later!' Peter said as he finished off his cup of tea.

'I'm going to take him up to bed with me, its the best place for him! Please would you bring me up a cuppa?' I asked as I exited the kitchen.

I laid Freddie under the quilt and started to change from my uniform. Peter entered with the requested cup of tea, after placing it on the bedside table he walked over to me and helped me undo my uniform, I had got myself all in a tizz.

'Where's Edie?' I asked looking over my shoulder.

'Still asleep! She stirred for a while but full snoring has resumed!' He chuckled.

Once changed, I clambered into bed, pulling Freddie close, Peter followed. One of us, either side of him. I gently rocked him to sleep, Peter softly stroked his forehead. He began to doze back into a deep sleep.

'Do you have work today dear?' I whispered, I'm sure we'd already had this discussion but the answer evaded me.

'No, not today, last minute preparations for the dreaded exams, they're getting closer. Not doubt all this effort will be for nothing, I'm sure to mess it up some way.' He laughed nervously.

Modesty is one of Peter's many traits, he has nothing to worry about, he is going to ace them, I could ace them, after all the revision I have helped him with.

Peter had now placed his hand under my head, my eyes became heavy, the days were catching up with me. 'Close your eyes darling. Don't worry I'm not going anywhere.' Peter said softly as he leaned over to kiss me.

My eyes closed but I could feel Freddie struggling to breathe.

'He's gone limp, Camilla, he's gone limp.' Shouted Peter as he shook me violently. 'He's burning up!'

I placed my hand on his forehead, he was even hotter, his breathing becoming weaker with every breathe. I stripped him from his pyjamas. His body was covered in a red blistery rash.

'Did he have these earlier?' I asked Peter.

'No, not that I know of.' Came his reply.

'Ring for an ambulance!' I shouted as I checked all over his body. 'Tell them to come quick.'

Peter raced to the telephone box, and dialled for an ambulance. On his return he bumped, quite literally, into Sister Evangelina. Who before knowing the reasons of his haste started to shout. Peter explained the situation and after apologising repeatedly she followed him to the house.

'He has a rash all over, its extremely bad behind the ears, he's running a temperature and his breathing is very shallow!'

The sister looked to Peter and ordered him to retrieve wet flannels and a jug of luke warm water.

'If it's any colder it will send his body into shock!' She said as Peter left. She looked to me, I had been strong so far, but could feel myself about to break, she took my hand. 'He'll be okay!'

Peter returned with the items, but they were no longer needed as the sound of sirens bellowed from outside. Peter lifted him from the bed and took him out to the Ambulance. Freddie was handed over and placed on a waiting stretcher, then bundled into the back of the ambulance. With me by his side, holding his hand praying that we had caught the illness in time.


	2. A Bitter Reminder

**A Bitter Reminder.**

The ambulance sped off leaving me glued to the ground, I could not move, worry had taken over my body. The memories of holding Camilla's hand as we rushed her to hospital possessed my thoughts, but I was snapped back in to reality by Sister Evangelina, she pushed me towards the house; 'Go and get changed, they need you!'

I stumbled into the house and changed from my pyjamas, I threw on the first thing I could find. My mind was full of worry, not just for Freddie, but for Camilla too. The way young sir came in to the world and the complications she endured made him even more special to her, to me, to both of us. I couldn't cope with the fact that we could possibly lose him. I knelt at the bed and placed my hands together. I'd never prayed before, but It was worth a try. Camilla has her faith, but me, I'm not so sure.

I closed my eyes, 'How can I have faith when such terrible things happen on a daily basis. The things I see. The things I hear. If there really is someone looking over us, why on earth are you letting all these things happen? I really want to have faith, I want to believe that you're up there, and that everything happens for a reason but today I just cannot comprehend it.'

I rose, eyes still closed. I stood still for many moments, again unable to move. I could see Camilla and Freddie sat on the bed, looking through 'Peter Rabbit' Freddie cuddling up to his teddy. I didn't want to open my eyes, because if I did, they would disappear. After many minutes, I finally opened my eyes, no Camilla, no Freddie, but I had been joined by Patrick, he stood in the bedroom doorway.

'I came as soon as I heard, thought you might need a lift to the hospital.'

I mustered up a minute smile as I gently pushed past, I walked into Edie's room, she was sat up rubbing her eyes. The commotion had woken her, I lifted her from her bed and dressed her in her warmest clothes I could find. The morning was rather nippy, I wouldn't want her to catch anything.

Patrick gently asked, 'Are you ready?' Before lighting a cigarette.

I ran to him and stole the cigarette from his grasp, as I breathed in the musky smoke my body began to relax. Patrick rested a reassuring hand on my shoulder as we walked out to the car. I still puffed away on the cigarette, hating every moment of it, but it was keeping me calm. It gave me something else to focus on. The ride to the hospital was very quiet, morbid, awkward. Patrick and Edie were silent, Patrick afraid to speak, Edie still being sleepy, she tucked herself into my side and nodded off again. Once the cigarette had burnt out, I had nothing to distract myself. My thoughts flooded back to that of Camilla and Freddie.

Patrick pulled up outside the hospital, the only words he spoke to me; 'Good Luck'

Why would I need luck? It wasn't me who was ill, it was Freddie, and he needed not luck, but strength. Strength to fight whatever illness had taken over his body. Patrick whizzed off on his rounds leaving me outside the dreaded hospital. I hated the hospital. It was a bitter reminder of things in the past. A reminder of what I have lost and what I could have lost. I climbed the stairs to the hospital entrance, Edie still clinging to me in her sleep. I wandered the many corridors until I found Camilla, she took Edie from my grasp and hugged her tightly.

I found myself, again, pacing the corridors, almost wearing a groove into the floor. Everything reminding me of that retched day. The sounds of trolleys banging through doors and the chattering of passing doctors. The vague smell of cigarette smoke filtering from the numerous Doctor's Offices mixing with the over bearing smell of medicinal alcohol disinfectant but overall the feeling of the unknown. Even with Camilla by my side squeezing my hand in reassurance, I still felt as scared and as helpless as I did then.

'Peter, he'll be okay.' Comforted Camilla as she pulled me down onto a waiting bench. 'I think its measles!'

'But what about his breathing? Measles doesn't make you short of breathe, its just a rash!'

'Measles can cause inflammation of the throat.' Replied Camilla, Edie stirring with the movement from her Mother. Camilla's tone shocked me, I never meant to challenge her knowledge. If it wasn't for her trained eye, goodness knows what would have happened, what if we had waited for Patrick. It doesn't bare thinking about.

'Sorry, I wasn't trying to tarnish your judgement, I just didn't know the extent of damage measles could do!' I said as a harsh apology.

The doors to our left swung open, just missing my leg. Freddie was wheeled through by two young nurses, he was attached to an oxygen tank. Doctor Nelmes stopped, level with myself, he looked down to us, we were in his mercy, the life of our precious child in his hands. Camilla grabbed my hands as the Doctor knelt to our level. It was bad news, I could tell by his expression. The words were running through his mind, he was contemplating how to tell us.

He sighed and said; 'It's Scarlett Fever!'

I looked to Camilla to see what her reaction would be, I had heard of the illness but was unaware of the severity.

She forced a smile. 'And how's he doing?'

'As you could see he needs help breathing, but as soon as the medication takes effect, the swelling should reduce allowing him to breath by himself. You caught it in the early stages so there should be no further complications!'

'Can we go and see him?' Camilla asked as I stood and shook the hand of the Doctor.

'Of course, go on through.'

Camilla took my hand as we were ushered into a ward by the matron, Freddie was tucked away in the corner. He was fast asleep, the rise and fall of his chest still very laboured. We sat in the two armchairs, Edie still asleep on Camilla shoulder. I fiddled in my coat pocket.

'Look Freddie, someone's come to see you!' With that I pulled out his Peter Rabbit toy and tucked it under his arm. Camilla stroked his forehead.

'Its okay Freddie, mummy and daddy are here!' She whispered as she kissed him gently.

The day was still only in its early hours, many people were only just waking from their slumber yet we had already had enough of the day. We prayed for the day to end. For us to have our son, home and well.


	3. Brave Little Soldier

**Brave Little Soldier.**

Where was I? I wasn't at home anymore. I was in a bed, but it wasn't my bed, or mummy and daddy's bed. I was lost, scared, I did not recognise anything. A curtain surrounded the bed, but why? Next to me was an object I'd never seen before, it was a grey box with a few flashing lights and a tube. The tube was connected to a mask which was just to my left. I picked it up and felt a gentle breeze. What was it for? I lifted the blanket from my body because I was sweating. Maybe the machine was meant to keep me cool? I sat up in the bed and started to wave the mask around. It wasn't working! I still felt hot, I hurt all over, my whole body itched. I gently stepped down from the bed and walked over to the break in the curtain. I popped my head through. There were many other beds, home to more children my age. They each had one of these machines, but the masks were on their faces. I continued to look around, still scared at what I might find. When all of a sudden I stumbled upon something familiar. It was Edie, she was sat at the entrance playing tiddlywinks! She looked up and started to walk towards me.

'Feddie! Feddie!' She said as she got closer.

I stumbled towards her, but fell at her feet. I felt all funny, my legs were all wobbly, my head was hurting.

'Mama, Dada!'

Edie's voice was the last thing I heard before I fell asleep. When I woke, I was again in the bed, but this time like the other children I was wearing the mask. My eyes took a moment to clear, but when they did I could see Mummy and Daddy, and Edie. Mummy and Daddy looked sad. Had I done something wrong? Had I upset them? Mummy had hold of my hand. Daddy was reading Edie a book.

'Peter, he's waking up!' Mummy said stroking my hand.

Daddy closed the book, much to Edie's disapproval and stood up. He placed her in the chair and walked to the top of the bed. He started to tickle me just below the chin. He knew it would make me laugh.

'Stop it daddy! It tickles!' I said through my laughter.

'You, young man gave us a fright! You're a brave little soldier!' He said as he ruffled my hair.

He sat back down and continued reading the book. Mummy had tears in her eyes, I still didn't know what had happened. She kissed my hand and gave me a wink. I smiled.

'Mummy? What's wrong?' I asked. 'Where am I? Why are you crying?'

Mummy looked to Daddy before answering; 'You're in hospital! You're here to get better!'

Get better? What was wrong with me? I started to weep, I was so scared. Mummy's grip on my hand got tighter.

She stood and kissed my forehead. 'You'll be okay in a few days. Trust me, you'll be up causing mischief in no time!'

I started to calm down, Mummy wiped away my tears with her magic handkerchief and chuckled to herself. I removed the mask and smiled to her.

Edie looked at me, her little face always wore a smile! 'Feddie, tell me a story!'

Daddy handed me a small bag of toys, I rummaged through the bag and pulled out six little monkeys. They were finger puppets Mummy had made me for my sixth birthday. I placed them on my fingers and started to think of what to say.

'Once upon a time lived a family of six monkeys! Mummy Monkey, Daddy Monkey and four little baby monkeys!'

The story was cut short, I started to cough, my chest started to hurt. The coughing continued. A doctor darted to my side. He listened to my chest before placing the mask on me again. Mummy, Daddy and Edie were ushered away as more Doctors and nurses surrounded me. Everything kept going black. I dazed in between awake and asleep. The doctors were scaring me, their cold hands pushed in places where it already hurt, the words they used confused me. My body started to share violently. My head hitting the pillow, my feet flying into the air. Three nurses held me down as the doctor poked and prodded my chest.

'The needle please Nurse Jones!' Said one of the Doctors.

My body was still shaking, two more nurses came over to help hold me down. The doctor placed the needle into my side. My body began to relax, the shaking stopped. I led there, my eyes fixed on the Doctor, I could feel my body falling asleep.


	4. Just the Three of Us

Just the Three of Us.

Mummy was sat on the sofa, she looked sad. Daddy was in the chair, he looked sad too. I just sat on the carpet in front of the fire. Our house was quiet. Daddy didn't go to work anymore. We just stayed in the house, just the three of us. There was no Freddie and I didn't know why. I asked Mummy but she just cried.

'Daddy, is Feddie coming home?' I asked, he looked at Mummy then took my hand.

We left the living room and walked into the garden to pick some vegetables for our tea. Daddy let me pull the carrots out of the soil and pick the peas, normally it's Freddie's job. When we went back into the house Mummy had been joined by Dr Turner. He asked Daddy to join them. I stayed in the kitchen using Freddie's crayon to make a card. I was on my own for a long time, finally Mummy joined me in the kitchen, Daddy left with Dr Turner.

I gave Mummy the card, she looked at it and smiled 'Its lovely darling!'

I hugged her. 'Its for Feddie!'

She lifted me up and hugged me so hard. I wiped a tear from her eye and kissed her cheek. She put me back down at the table and stood the card in the middle.

'Draw something for Daddy!' She said giving me more paper.

I started drawing as Mummy began to cut the vegetables. We were having Beef Stew and Dumplings. Freddie's favourite.

'Where's Daddy?' I asked.

'He'll be back!' She replied. 'He'll be back!'

I nodded and went back to drawing. I drew Daddy is his uniform. Mummy in hers and Me and Freddie in our school uniforms. I hadn't been to school this week but Mrs Turner and I had been learning the alphabet.

' ... E F G!' I giggled.

Mummy just stood at the sink staring out of the window, peeling the potatoes. There was a knock at the door. Mummy didn't move. So I went, in came one of the sisters, I'm not really sure of her name. She had brought us a trifle. We walked back into the kitchen. The sister placed the trifle on the side and walked over to Mummy. She took the knife and offered Mummy a chair. I walked over to her and she placed me on her lap. I cuddled her.

'Is there anything you need me to do?' Asked the Sister.

Mummy shook her head. 'I think everything is in order but thank you!'

Mummy took the red crayon and started to colour in my picture. I took the black and joined her. The sister started to lay the table around us. Four place mats and four spoons were put on the table, the sister must be staying for tea. We continued to colour, mummy's being a lot neater than mine. By the time tea was ready my picture was finished. Mummy had stopped helping as soon as the Sister gave her a cup of tea but I finished it. Daddy was going to be home soon. I wanted to hand him a finished picture. The sister placed the stew in the middle of the table and left. Suddenly Daddy entered. He had a huge smile on his face. Mummy stood, she smiled back.

I stood and gave Daddy his picture. As he knelt I spotted someone hiding behind him. 'Feddie! Feddie!'

Freddie was home! He ran to me and started to tickle me. 'Did you miss me!?'

Mummy lifted Freddie up giving him the biggest hug she could. I don't know where he's been or why, but I'm glad to finally have my brother back.


End file.
